And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
