We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
