So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
