I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
True strength comes from lack of pants
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
