I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize