Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
