You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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