you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
