You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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