I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
