she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
