final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
