I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
