dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ketchup is God's man juice
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
