Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
