what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
