note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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