I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
