Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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