So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
