Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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