My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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