He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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