the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
