yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
