She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
