If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
