remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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