I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
