I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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