as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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