After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
