u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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