My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
