I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
