Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
