I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
