do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
