i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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