Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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