he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
