my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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