My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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