Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
