My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
