Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
