Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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