we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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