I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
