my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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