My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
