Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
