Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
