Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
