whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
