Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
