By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize