Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
