I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
