Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
