You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Someone shattered a urinal.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
