Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
