i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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