If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize