Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
