remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
