Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
should my penis look like a turkey
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
