...so i touched it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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