i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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