just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
