Heybabeimwearingurpanties
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
