Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
