I CAN MOONWALK!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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