Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
