she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
