I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
