I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
